family

family

Friday, February 7, 2014

whobody wants to press "pause"?


I would like to press the 
"pause" button.

I love the first few weeks of a baby's life. 
It hasn't always been like that, but I have found with each child, I love it more and more.  I think it is because I realize how quickly it passes, and how little of it is really remembered (I am sure because of lack of sleep)….but, I love it.  However, I really hate how fast it goes by.  Here are some (like 40) pictures of Dirx's first 2 weeks at home.  We all love him SO much.

Of all of our babies,
THIS has been the best that the first couple of weeks has ever gone. 
I think it is partly because I had an extra day and night of regrouping in the hospital before I came home (both mentally and physically) and partly because of my limitations with the c section make it so that my only real responsibility is Baby Dirx. (I am not trying to put him down all of the time to switch laundry or pick up or vacuum because I am not allowed to do that stuff anyway…so I either just let someone else do it or I just leave it undone…for now, at least). 

 So, with my focus being on Dirx, I have really enjoyed the snuggle time and nursing our new baby.  I am trying to even savor the midnight feedings…because I know even THAT is something I will miss when this baby stage is over. (But, for now, the struggle is to stay awake during the nighttime feedings.) Between my Mom and Jason, everything that needs to get done around here is still getting done, and I feel like I am getting enough naps and still spending time with the kids! 

 I have even felt up to some outings, which with the other 
babies felt like too much work.  
But, the other babies have all been born at much busier times of year for Jason's work…or during the holidays.  Dirx has already been to church twice, a pizza party at grandma's, a pizza party at Hoeger's, to a middle school basketball game, the chiropractor, 2 high school basketball games, AND a date with us to the Black Angus.  Wow…when I write that all out it sure does sound like a lot.  But, it has been great…I just get too stir crazy if I just stay here all of the time, and I get too lonely too.  
We still need to live life with our other kids, 
and I can't just stay here alone all of the time…so we are enjoying life with Dirx too!

First…the pictures of the kids with Dirx on the day we brought him home from the hospital. 
This was the first time they got to meet him. 
Keaton and Lola were the first to rush into the bathroom and wash their hands…and then they BOTH wanted to be the first to hold him…so, we compromised, and they both held him at the same time.  I wish my phone would have taken some better pictures….but as you can see, they are very proud!

We then took turns and let each kid have their own chance to snuggle with him.




Everyone got a turn, and did very well that night. Both Cruz and Nash had NASTY colds at that point, so we only let them hold him for a few seconds at the most… Poor kids. They didn't seem to mind too much though. There was a lot going on.

Over the past few weeks, the kids have held Dirx as much as they can. 

Keaton is the first to offer to hold the baby when it is helpful (like if I need to get something, or eat, or even go to the bathroom).  He has been super willing to pitch in and take care of whatever needs to be taken care of for me.  He has also helped me out by playing with Cruz SO well and guiding the other kids (or, you might say, distracting them). He loves to get Cruz out of his crib after his naps too.  He often says "mom, is there anything I can do to help you right now?" and if I ask he will pick up toys or put stuff away or switch the laundry. He is so responsible.  I try not to "use" him too much, because he is ONLY 8…but I have really appreciated all that he has done.  The last 2 nights he has even helped me by putting on Cruz's jammies…and helping me lift Cruz into bed. (Jason has had school board meetings the last 2 nights, and I still can't lift Cruz.)  We have diaper boxes stacked up and the Keaton lifts Cruz the rest of the way over the crib rail. I don't have quite as many pictures of him holding Dirx…because instead of taking pictures…I guess I actually had something I needed to do! 
Love this kid….and I can't believe he is getting SO OLD!!!



Lola has held baby Dirx a lot!
 She loves to snuggle him, and really likes to pose for pictures…mostly pretending she is sleeping while he sleeps.  She is always aware of where he is and pays very close attention to our newest family member.  If he is fussing she will go over and rock his crib or sing to him…and try to soothe him. She is a little mother hen and I love it. I was worried she might resent him a little (you know, since he wasn't a female baby :))  but, she has completely gotten over that one. 
I know she would love a sister, but she wouldn't 
trade baby Dirx for anything.  
Lola has even changed his diaper and put his jammies on. (She would do this all of the time if I would let her.)  I do allow her to pick out his clothes when she is around….which she loves to do. Lola tries to be as helpful as Keaton, but doesn't always follow through on what she is asked (but that is the difference in their personalities).  She has still helped me out quite a bit by bringing me things and helping Cruz up and down the stairs.  
She does LOVE her baby Dirx so much, and I think she plans on sharing a room with him someday.












Nash really loves his newest little brother too. 
He asks to hold him all of the time…but it is usually when I am feeding him…so he can't hold him quite every time he asks.  
He likes to hold him often, but not for very long, so I have to stay pretty close. He does like to find soft toys around the house and bring them to Dirx. Nash has been very good with the adjustment of having a baby around. He has really enjoyed having Grandma Zittergruen around the house and seems to be playing a little better with Cruz. 
(Sometimes anyway…sometimes they fight a lot too…)



And then there is Cruz…
He wants to hold "baby jerx" all of the time.  
The first thing he does when he wakes up is comes over and pats dirx on the back and says "baby jerx cute!" He is always piling blankies on top of Dirx and giving him fun toys like legos and trucks and balls! 
 Only one of the kisses in these pictures was posed. The others….
well he just kisses dirx a lot.  
Cruz seems to have grown up so much since dirx was born. 
I swear he grew 6 inches and gained 20 lbs in the time that we were in the hospital…he suddenly seems like a GIANT.  He is also suddenly saying so many words…stringing sentences together….really communicating and understanding.  
It is always amazing how quickly the youngest grows up when there is a new "youngest"in the family.  
I will say that Cruz has handled the transition much better than I ever expected.  He is still very happy and doesn't seem to resent Dirx being around at all! I seem to remember with other babies the youngest was always grumpy with ME for the first few weeks.  Not Cruz….he doesn't even act a little bit surprised that we have a new family member! 
I think he LOVES being one of the big kids now!







Here are the grandmas with Dirx.  
First, my mom, who is home from Florida for a few weeks and has been here a ton and helped us in so many ways.  
She is doing the housework that I haven't been able to do and has helped so much with the other kids. 
I even let her hold Dirx 
every once in awhile...

This is Jason's mom…she visited a couple of times and got to hold Dirx at the middle school basketball game.  
She is currently in Hawaii on vacation…lucky girl!

Now, pictures of baby dirx….It seems I am constantly grabbing my camera and snapping pictures of him.  
He is SO sweet. 
I love love love this stage, and I know it is almost over…and since he is probably our 'caboose' that makes me sadder than ever! 
I actually got choked up yesterday when I used our last "newborn" size diaper on him.  Seriously, choked up.  

I love this stage when they sleep everywhere and anywhere, and can be moved around while sleeping. My all time favorite is holding him after he eats…and he is in what I like to call a MILK COMA.  Just a limp body snuggling into me.  I love how when he nurses he sometimes hooks his hand onto my shirt.  I love it when he smiles in his sleep or makes his little baby squeaks.  I love that he NEEDS to eat when I eat. (Okay…so, I don't love that so much, but it is funny how that is how it always works out.)  I love it when I look at the mirror when I am holding him and he looks SO VERY SMALL. I love that. I know that babies are supposed to grow bigger and that is the GOAL…but the day is nearing when I am going to have to put away some too small sleepers…and let me tell you…
THAT will be a guaranteed cry session for me. 
 It always is…but this time I'm sure will be the hardest.  
This whole last baby thing is so far very tough on me…but I also have to keep in mind that my emotions and hormones are still going crazy!  



Did I mention that Dirx has a birthmark on his nose like Lola did?  I love it!









And this is the view from my chair most nights at bedtime…the kids reading their books…
how cute are they?


Now…the ironic thing…Cruz is MORE than willing to take pictures when it is just him and Dirx… but I have tried multiple times to get a photo of all 5 kiddos…and Cruz fights it every time! Like fights it by usually throwing a fit laying on the ground…not even getting onto the couch.  Here are the 2 best attempts!



They are all laughing because Cruzie was being Mr. Ridiculous. 
Soon…we need to get a family picture!


Now if someone could just find that 
"pause button" for me….

Wednesday, February 5, 2014

whobody is the newest reimer boy?

Dirx Jett Reimer
1.19.14
5:02 AM
7 lbs 3 oz
21 inches 


Today, my baby boy is over 2 weeks old! 
I am so excited to introduce you to "baby Dirx".  
We are so happy to have our 5th healthy baby and have our family 
grow to an impressive SEVEN!!! Yikes.  
He has been such a blessing.  
His arrival was SO much different than all of his siblings.


Here is Dirx's birth story.
I know this is ridiculously long and wordy…and sappy.
But, it is just me keeping it real and writing about my experience 
with my 5th baby being born.
If you want…just skip the words…and check out the pictures!!


I had my 37 week appt. on Friday, the 17th, and my doctor informed 
me that he would be on call all weekend…and he hoped to see me!  
I was already having lots of contractions…and had started to dilate.  

I made it through that day and that night…and then on Saturday morning I started to have even stronger contractions…
but, they were not regular at all AND they weren't really THAT strong.  

We had plans with our friends, Nicholas and Elsie, to go out for supper in Dubuque…we decided to keep our plans…and we just warned them that they might have to just drop us off at the hospital if things changed too quickly. (Part of the reason why we decided on Dubuque as our destination.)  We had a great time and had a nice supper at Catfish Charlie's.  After we ate, we headed back north, with the plans of making a few bar stops on the way home. (And Jason thinks I am not a good sport when I am pregnant…)

About 20 minutes into our trip on the way home from Dubuque I had my first "strong" contraction… about 20 minutes later…I had my second one…at that point I knew we would be heading back to Dubuque sooner or later.  We stopped at 2 different bars on the way home and my strong contractions continued.

 (Yay! I was so excited.)  We got home at about 10:00 and my contractions were still strong but irregular… and at least 15 minutes apart.  We knew we had some time, so I sent the babysitter, Alicia, home and told her and her sister, Kayla, to keep their phones on. 
(They were to be the ones to come watch our kids if we went to the 
hospital in the middle of the night…)

We watched a little TV, and then decided to try to get some sleep. I was totally unable to sleep (my contractions were way too painful)…so Jason took a little nap…while I made a pot of coffee for Jason, got things ready to go, and watched a little TV. At about 12:30 AM, my babysitter Kayla texted me and said she was getting off of work…and wanted to know if I just wanted her to come over on her way home.  My contractions were still 15 minutes apart, but were still super strong…so I just figured we might as well just get there.  That way we wouldn't be having a baby in the car, and we wouldn't have to wake Kayla up to come out to our house. So…at about 1AM we headed to the hospital.  We got there at about 2 and they put on the monitors and we got settled into the labor and delivery room. 

It was great, because they were very "ready" for me to get there. When I walked into the ER, the person at the desk said "Are you Lesa?" I said "yes" he said "I'm all ready for you, I hear things go fast…" 
He pointed to a wheelchair and I sat down, and he was off. 

Jason pretty much had to chase us down the hallway. The person in the ER said that the nurses warned him about me and told him to get me upstairs as fast as possible. 
(Since my last 2 babies were born without a doctor in the room…and labor has been historically fast moving for me.)  When we got upstairs, the nurses already had everything ready for the baby.  They had the warmer and the bassinet there waiting already… everything was going so smoothly!!!

We just hung out in the room while my contractions got closer and closer.  They called my doctor, and he came to the hospital a little while after 3AM. He came into our room and chatted with us the nurse for about 30 minutes or so while he drank his cup of coffee

At about 3:45 he said, "Alright, lets break your water and have a baby".  He knows that once my water is broken, I historically have a baby 10 to 15 minutes later.  
We were so excited! It was go time.

Then, everything took a crazy turn.  
He checked things out before he broke my water and got a confused look on his face and said that something didn't feel right, the baby might be breech. 
{Everything screeched to a halt.}
So, the nurse quickly brought the ultrasound machine in, and sure enough, confirmed that our baby was sitting with his butt down, and his feet and head up by my ribs. 
(I say "his" but even then, we didn't know if we were having a boy or a girl…) 
He sent the nurse out to get some sort of shot to stop my labor.  
My heart sank.
 We quickly asked what our options were, and Dr. Berger explained that as long as my water hadn't broken, he could try a version (manually turning the baby the right way)…and as he said that aloud, my water broke on its own.  
He decided would try to turn the baby anyway, but explained that it 
had only worked one time for him after someone's water had broken, since there was no extra fluid in there to "float" in.  

So, they gave me the shot, waited for it to take effect, and they laid me down and he tried to manually turn the baby. Youch.  It was unsuccessful and very uncomfortable…but fortunately, the baby was never in distress.

At this point things get a little fuzzy for me.  
There was so much that happened over the next hour that I can't remember the order of events or the details. 
All I know is that it seemed like things had spiraled 
COMPLETELY out of my control
And if you know me, you know that I like to be "in" control. 

So, there I was, almost to the point of delivering our baby (without any drugs or IVs hooked up or anything).  This was the most prepared I have ever felt for labor, this was the most that I had ever looked forward to the delivery, this was the calmest I ever was during contractions…and it was  all turning completely out of my hands.  He tried to turn our baby 2 different times, and it did not work. 
(And, was, by the way, pretty painful.)  

He then explained that our only option was to do a C Section. 
We asked if there were any other options or things we could try at all, and he said no and explained that if all went well, they could be set up and deliver the baby in about 45 minutes and I could be awake for the surgery. (Since it was early morning, the anesthesiologist and others required for surgery would have to be called in.)  If all didn't go well, then he said we would be making a very fast trip down the hallway and I would have to be knocked out for the surgery.

Sidenote:  
The most frustrating part for me was that I KNEW all along my baby was breech. 
I just didn't trust my instinct enough.  I had mentioned it to Jason and my friends that I was worried the baby was upside down at 36 weeks…I could feel a hard thing on the top of my belly in the middle and thought it was the head. 
(But, I also felt most of the kicks up high, which usually 
would mean that the baby's head was down.) 
 I brought up my concern of the baby being breech at my 36 and 37 week appts, but my doctor reassured me that he thought the baby was head down and that the head was engaged.  Turned out, it wasn't the baby's head that was engaged.  
I was right all along…I just should have insisted that he do an ultrasound to check it out.  

Had we figured out ahead of time that baby was breech
we could have tried to turn him before my water was broken, 
we could have tried the at home things to turn a breech baby, 
or if all else failed, 
at the very least, I could have been a little more PREPARED for a c section. 

Instead of being up all night in labor, and then having surgery early in the morning, 
I could have done a little research and maybe been more ready for the roller coaster ride that it was.  I was, and still am, extremely frustrated with myself for not trusting my instinct.  The reason that we choose this particular OB is because he is very, very casual and doesn't do unnecessary procedures or testing, however, this time it seemed to backfire on us.

Back to Dirx's 'birth day'.  
They quickly got things prepared for the c section…started an IV for me, put all sorts of monitors on me, and other unpleasant things…like a catheter. 
(Sorry, TMI…but that was not a fun procedure either).  
When the anesthesiologist arrived at the hospital, she came in and walked me through exactly what was going to happen during the surgery as best as she could.  She was excellent.  Me being the control freak, I wanted to know exactly what to expect, and she helped me be a little more ready. 

 Jason just kept on looking at me with sad eyes saying "I'm so sorry you have to have a c section"…I could tell he felt helpless….and he knew I was having a hard time with things not going how I had planned.

Usually the mood of our delivery room is very positive and lighthearted.  
In the past, between contractions there are jokes made and the sarcasm in the room is pretty thick.  It has never been a stressful or anxiety filled time for us.  
Usually I am obviously in pain, but still laughing all of the way through labor…
but, once we figured out the baby was breech, the whole mood of the room changed. 
You could seriously cut the tension in the room with a knife. 
There was tension coming from Jason and I…being frustrated that we had to have a c section. It also seemed that there was suddenly tension between the nurses and the doctor too…and suddenly there was stress everywhere and it felt like a negative environment. 
Not what I had in mind.
  
We just kept on saying over and over that at least the baby was fine, and not in distress. 
I was (and still am) well aware that the only reasons for not wanting a c section were selfish…but it was still very hard.    
I also know that people have c sections all of the time and more than once…and it really isn't that big of a deal.  I was totally unprepared.  But, I held it together emotionally before he was born.
The only time I cried was when Sheila, the anesthesiologist, was explaining the procedure to me and 
I realized that I wasn't going to get to hold my baby right away. (This was the hardest part for me.)
 I told Jason that even though he wasn't a "baby guy" he needed to pretend he was for the 30 minutes between when our baby was born and when I got to hold the baby.

Once they had me ready to go to surgery, Jason walked with my bed while they wheeled me down the hall, and then he had to wait in the waiting room while they did my "spinal" and got me prepped for surgery. 
Once all of the drapes and curtains and everything was ready, they brought Jason in, and instantly got started.  Jason was amazed at the surgery and kept on saying things like "you can't feel that? I can't believe you can't feel that!"  He was amazed at the whole procedure and the nurses had to keep on pushing him back because he kept on trying to get a better look at the surgery.  


I just laid there feeling helpless, afraid, and very, very lonely
I felt like I was missing out on the birth of my own baby. 
(And I wasn't even knocked out!)  I have always known that the pain and recovery from a c section was tough…but I have never really thought about the emotional aspect of it. 
 I can't even explain it, but it sure didn't feel like this was how our baby was supposed to enter the world. 

I KNOW it was in his best interest, and that this was the safest way for Dirx to be born, but I couldn't help but feel like the baby was being stolen out of my body. 
I don't know how else to explain it.  
The whole thing was extremely hard on me emotionally.
(I am really trying to not make this a 'sad' story, 
but I am also trying to keep it real…
bear with me.)

They finally got through all of the layers of the surgery, seriously only took about 5 minutes after they started for our baby to actually be "born".  
When Dr. Berger opened up my uterus :) Jason said that it was a boy…which he knew instantly because in his words "he came out testicles first".  I am sure Dirx will love to hear about that some day…and I am sure that he will.  
Dirx instantly began crying and the pediatrician grabbed him and took him over to warmer to check him out….all I remember seeing was his little skinny little legs covered in white stuff, straight up in the air kicking while he cried.   I was happy to have a little peanut to snuggle!   Dr. Callahan made a comment that "this baby has been breech for a long time, his legs won't even unfold yet!"  Poor kid had been sitting in my uterus like that for so long that was how his body wanted to stay! I guess that once they got to the nursery he started to relax a bit more, but you will even see in the following pictures that Dirx's legs were stuck straight up in most of them. 

 There really wasn't much surprise that we had a boy…I guess because our last 2 babies were boys, it just seemed like that is just 'what we have'… I thought there was a chance our baby was a girl…but Jason had NO DOUBT at all that we were having a boy. In fact, he had a list of crazy things that he was going to do if our baby was a girl…because he was absolutely certain our baby was a boy.  He was right!  We were very happy to be blessed with another healthy baby boy.  
After the pediatrician checked him out, he wrapped him in a blanket and handed him to Jason…who then held him down for me to see.  

It was so good to see his face and to be reminded of what made all of this worth it.  
The miracle of conception and a baby growing inside of my body and then begin a life on its own is just amazing.  I am humbled at each of my children's births at the miracle that is life, and how powerful God is and how amazing that He created us in His image.  
Children really are such a blessing. 










I think the time I got with our baby at that point was only a minute or two…
I looked at our baby boy, I kissed his little head as best I could, Jason and I posed for a couple of pictures that the pediatrician and nurse so kindly took for us…and just like that, Jason and Dirx left for the nursery.  

This was a VERY lonely part of my day. 
I so desperately wanted to be celebrating the birth of my baby, but I was stuck there on the table feeling helpless and alone.
 The nurses reassured me that Dr. Berger did the FASTEST c sections so I would get to see my baby soon.  So, while they put everything 'back in place' I laid there and tried to stay awake….all I remember is how bright it was and how tired I was.  I did manage to stay awake, but I sure wasn't completely "with it". I found out later, that I did have some morphine in my IV, which would explain why I couldn't' tell you whether my room was 10 feet from the surgical room or a mile…I just remember them sliding me from the surgery table, back to my bed, and then rolling me down the hallway to my recovery room so I could see my baby.


Here are some pictures that Jason took during that half hour they were in the nursery: I have got to hand it to him, he took a lot of great pictures, and I am so thankful for that!!! 






I was only in my room for 5 minutes before Jason and the nurses brought the baby to me.  My nurse helped me sit up so I could hold him, and in between my assessments, getting my temperature taken, and everything else the nurse needed to do, I got to nurse our little baby boy for the first time.  It was so much different than our other 4 deliveries.  Instead of feeling a rush of adrenaline and euphoric after delivery like I usually do, I felt yucky and nauseous and spacey and in pain and I couldn't move my legs or the lower half of my body so I couldn't adjust to get into a comfortable position to nurse. 
 I was EXTREMELY HAPPY to have my baby in my arms, but I felt like crap. 
And, then, of course, feeling like crap made me feel emotionally sad because this was one of the most important days of my life and I wanted to enjoy it!!!  

There were a lot of distractions in those first few hours…mostly because when you are a surgical patient…the nurses don't leave you alone at all like they do after a baby is delivered naturally.  In my other 4 kids' births, for about an hour after the baby was born, it was just Jason and I sitting in the room, soaking it all in.  Discussing names and sharing our news with those closest to us. I usually called "my" people and he called "his" and everything calm and relaxed and joyous.  In this case, though, I was fighting the urge to puke pretty much the whole day, and I was completely out of it. 

I know that I made the phone call to my kids to tell them that they had a 
new baby brother,
 and I made the phone call to my parents to tell them we had our baby.  
Other than that, Jason made a few other calls and then just texted everyone else.  
I was sad to miss out on all of those happy phone calls, but I was NOT with it at all. 
 I am sure it was a combination of 
getting zero sleep the night before, 
going through an unplanned surgery, 
and then coming down off of the drugs that I was on before and during the c section.  

I really still don't know what I all had pumped into my body (which makes me crazy)
but, I do know that we tried to discuss our baby's name numerous times that morning…but I simply kept on saying that I was in NO shape to make that kind of decision yet.  
The whole morning is really a complete blur for me.  So, we put the decision off until after the baby got his bath and I got a little nap. 
So, once the nurse was done with her 'every 10 minute' assessments of me, and I was going to have a chance to rest a little, they took the baby to the nursery to give him a bath.  
Jason took my phone and left the room, and I took a much needed snooze.  Jason came back after about an hour when the nurse had to come back and do another assessment.  Then she brought the baby back in…
looking like this:   

Sweet as can be.

Can I just tell you how different the baby looks after their bath? 
I love how they look right away…
but there is just something great about how warm and fuzzy the baby is after a bath.  Seriously, look at his hair!!! He has so much!



Jason kept on making fun of me, but I just kept on snapping picture after picture of his sweet little face and head of hair! 
I was finally feeling okay enough to 'enjoy' my sweet new baby.  
We finally got to spend some mommy, daddy, and baby time together and we decided on a name at like 2:30 in the afternoon.  Our 2 boy names were Dirx and Jett… and the middle name for either name was going to be Jon (Jason's middle name).  However, I just couldn't decide between Dirx and Jett (and since I think we are "done" I hated to leave one of those great names behind), and I really wanted to pick a name so I could start calling him by name…and so we could tell the kids! They were very worried that our baby would never have a name…. so I suggested we use both names. 
 Therefore, our baby #5 is Dirx Jett Reimer.  
We called the kids and told them first…
and then we could finally share our baby news with everyone.



The rest of the day was spent nursing and resting…Jason stuck around while I fed Dirx, and then he would find out what time the nurse would be coming in to bother me again, and he would show up at that time to keep me company again.  

I wasn't feeling great…
but at least I was feeling a little better than I did that morning. 

Jason was very concerned with me getting rest, and would make sure to take my phone…and I think he gave the nurses a hard time about bothering me too. 
The sleep I got was much needed and much appreciated. I luckily had no problem sleeping at the hospital (for once) although it was hard to get cozy when I felt like there were monitors and other things attached to every limb…
oh, and I couldn't move the lower half of my body!
I felt very trapped in bed, but at the same time, I was very happy to be in recovery mode! 



My time in the hospital was good.
 I loved the time I spent with Dirx, and I was blessed with 
awesome nurses for almost my whole stay. 
 I very much appreciated the extra time I got in the hospital…an early morning c section gave me 4 days and 3 nights of recovery…which I used every minute of.  
Sadly, the other kids could not visit us at the hospital because of the flu season restrictions for visitors…but we did have friends and family visit at the perfect times. 
 It felt like whenever I was feeling too alone or getting too emotional, someone would show up to visit or call or text. 

God was definitely watching out for me and sent my friends 
JUST when I needed them.  

Jason wasn't able to spend the whole time at the hospital with me (since we have 4 other kids at home)…but when he wasn't there, 
I fortunately had lots of visitors and calls to help me through it.  



To be perfectly honest, I had a very hard time in the hospital because of my c section. 
Not only was I in a lot of pain, but I struggled very much emotionally with how everything happened.  I am usually up and around my room right away…dressed in my own clothes and just enjoying my time with the baby.  It usually felt like a little vacation for me…a vacation where I was exhausted and sore…but a vacation.  This time however, I was definitely a hospital patient during my whole stay. 

I still got out of bed as much as I could..only because it was supposed to help my recovery.  I just felt like laying there all day…because that didn't hurt near as much as getting up out of bed and moving around.  
I could hardly lift my purse…and even picking Dirx up out of his bassinet caused me to wince in pain…and I couldn't even think about bending over to pick something up off of the floor or lift my leg up to put pants on without help. 
 (Just trying to describe things…).  

It made me feel helpless and made me very worried about how I could possibly function at home with 4 other kids and a house to take care of.  

I was and still am SO happy that we have a healthy baby boy, 
but I felt completely helpless and like things were totally out of my little 'control freak' world.  
Looking back, it doesn't all feel like as big of a deal as it did in the hospital…but it is obviously still an issue for me emotionally.
I hesitate to even write about it, because as I said before, lots of people have c sections…and they don't make a big deal out of it. 
But, if you know me, I tend to over share :) 
and his is just me being "real" with Dirx's birth story and how everything went down.
 It is still hard for me to talk about the c section without crying.  I can't explain it (but the previous million words is me trying :)) I know, I am getting pretty wordy.



Jason was a great "defender" for me while I was in the hospital.  
He went into protective mode when he needed to…
and made sure that I didn't get bothered with things that I didn't need to bother with. 
He was there with me as much as our schedule with the kids allowed…and has been excellent help for me since we have gotten home!
 He really is the best daddy and husband. 

 It was very cute…the day after Dirx was born it was Jason's birthday, so I texted him in the morning to wish him a happy birthday and to tell him to remind the kids that it was his birthday.  (He spent the night at home, and got the big kids on the bus and the little kids to his Mom's before he came to the hospital.)  
Turns out when I texted him to tell him to remind the kids about his birthday…well I reminded him too. 
He had totally forgotten it was his birthday! 
He is always so concerned with everyone else…sweetie!



Here is little Dirx, all dressed up and ready to come home! 
I was SO thankful for my extra day in the hospital.  I really needed that for my recovery.  For me, the pain of the c section recovery was SO much  more intense than the recoveries from my other deliveries…stitches and all
When the nurses would tell me they wanted me to take 3 walks a day, making a lap around the whole baby area…well, I made it to the refreshment room next door…and then hobbled back to my room in tears and crawled back into my bed.  
I never did make even one lap…but I physically, seriously, totally…could not do it. 
 I tried to be up and moving around in my room as much as I could…but I did as much as I could handle.  Usually I consider myself to be pretty tough, but for some reason, I was a wimp in this situation.  Even after coming home, the first few days were rough…after a week I felt like I could walk normally and stand up and sit down without wincing…and now, after 2 weeks I can "feel it" if I do too much, but I feel much more normal.  I am amazed at how small the incision is…and how invisible it already is. 
I am amazed with how fast the body can heal itself!  
Every time I am in pain, I thank God that there wasn't something causing this pain to my baby instead. I am so glad that everything is great for him and that he was never in distress or injured or anything.  

Seriously…just look at this 
handsome little man. 



I have to admit, I had a very hard time leaving the hospital. 
I was very much looking forward to getting back to my nice house, cozy bed, large tv, comfy nursing chair, and, of course, my 4 other crazy kids….
BUT it worried me that I was going to have to function even more independently out of the hospital.  I admittedly also had a hard time thinking that this would be my last time as a 'labor and delivery patient'…it is the only time in your life that you are in the hospital for a happy reason.  I have always very much enjoyed that time and I am having such a hard time thinking about being "done".  I know that it will get better as time goes on…
 Obviously my emotions and hormones are making me CRAZY right now!  


Look at how adorable this kid is in his carseat! 
He did great on the ride home…and I enjoyed my one on one time with Jason. 
I really missed him while I was at the hospital. He was there every day, but it didn't feel like we really spent much time together.  


Lucky for me, my mom had my other kids at her house for the afternoon.  So, when Jason, Dirx and I got home, I was able to get things completely unpacked from the hospital with Jason's help. We were also able to get things set up for the baby to be at home. I still had all of the baby stuff in the baby room…I don't like to have things TOO ready before we get home with the baby.  Once we had things put away, and I had a chance to feed Dirx again, we called my parents and they brought the kids down to meet him!  I will write more about that in the next post…  
I am SO thankful for our new little boy.  
He is absolutely perfect and has so far been an excellent baby.

I have very much enjoyed my time snuggling him and I am trying to soak up every last minute of him being so tiny…because I know that this doesn't last long. 

 I LOVE the excitement of a newborn, and I LOVE to nurture the brand new baby. I just can't get enough of him right now.  

He is my FIFTH baby, but this new baby thing NEVER GETS OLD. 
It is just as special as the first time…and somehow having a new baby makes me love my kids even more than before!  I am so happy to have Dirx here.

He fits into our family perfectly! 
It is just amazing.